The Jutsu of Haruhi Suzumiya
by thephaw
Summary: Kyon is a normal high school student. At least he was until he, and an eccentric classmate of his, find themselves in a world of ninja.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

I've always had this fascination for ninja. Why, you ask? Well, it started back when I was five or six, watching late night cartoons. The station happened to be airing an anime about a ninja-girl fighting some seriously scary demons. She was fast, strong, and beautiful… pretty much everything I wanted to be back then. Now, before you come to any conclusions, I should tell you that I'm male and perfectly happy with my current sexual orientation (straight in case you were still wondering).

Anyways, about the anime I was watching. The fact is that, to this day, I still don't know what it was called. All I remember was that right before the good part, where the monster attacked the bouncy-chested and attractive ninja-girl with its many tentacles, Mom had turned off the TV and started screaming at me for watching grown-up cartoons. I never understood the difference between grown-up and kid cartoons back then.

In any case, that was how it started. From then on, I wanted to be a ninja, like that girl. I wanted to run around really fast, throwing shuriken and slicing up demons with a sword. I wanted to explode into smoke and disappear into the shadows while stealthily stalking my targets. And I also wanted breasts. Not my own pair, mind you, but I… well… you probably understand.

So I bet you'll also understand my disappointment when I grew up and wised up enough to finally realize that my dream of becoming a ninja was impossible. I was in junior high when I figured it out. Sure, ninja might have been real at some point in history. But now they're just as fictional as the aliens, time-travelers, ghosts, monsters, evil organizations, and espers that I also believed existed when I was a kid. The whole thing was a depressing revelation really, because those were the only interesting things in my life at the time. It felt like a part of me died back then; a complete disappointment, just like the rest of my boring prepubescent life. So much for having an awesome adventurous lifestyle like those boys in shonen manga.

In the end, once junior high was up, I had completely grown out of my fantasy world. I'll admit that a small part of me still dreamed that things like ninja could really exist in today's world. But there was never really any proof of anything out of the ordinary. Not even a tiny hint. In fact, my entire senior year of junior high passed by without notice. I was practically normal incarnate.

So with this overwhelming proof of nothing, I finally gave in to the pedestrian thoughts in my mind and accepted my life as a carefree, normal, senior high student. That is until I suddenly found myself enrolled to some academy at some place called Konoha.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

That's right. I'm an official student at Konoha Academy. What's the big deal, you ask? It's just a school, right? Wrong. It's a frickin' ninja school! Okay, I'm calm now, I really am. But it's funny, the messes I get myself into.

I'm sure you're wondering how I got here; how I managed to get myself stuck in some fantasy world. Well let me tell you something, you're not alone. One moment, I was enjoying my carefree and—more importantly—normal life. And the next, I had no idea where the hell I was.

I guess that didn't really explain anything, did it? Well, I don't know how I got here but I'll tell you about all the events leading up to this predicament. Maybe sharing that will shed some light on the matter.

Let's see… up until my first day at North High, everything was still perfectly fine. My bed was still my own and my sister was eating breakfast as usual. I even remember what she said to me before I left for school.

"Kyon, hurry up. You're going to miss the entrance ceremony." Kyon is me, by the way. It's actually just a nickname; one that my aunt had made up a long time ago. My sister heard my aunt calling me Kyon once and she thought it was funny so she also started calling me Kyon. I don't know how it happened after that, but I guess as soon as my friends heard my sister calling me Kyon, they decided to follow her lead. Now the only thing anyone ever calls me is Kyon. Even people I've never met before. It's weird, and kind of annoying. Not to mention a shame because I really like my real name.

Okay, let's get back on topic, my first day of school. The morning of that day started out just fine. I walked to school (annoyingly the path to the school was steep and uphill the entire way) and attended the ridiculously stupid entrance ceremony before settling down in my seat in class 1-5. And there, I guess, was when my normal life began to slowly unravel.

To be fair, introductions started out normally enough.

"Now why don't you introduce yourselves, one by one," said Okabe-sensei. He was our middle-aged homeroom teacher. Average in both height and weight, he wore a 'practiced in front a mirror for an hour' smile as he addressed the class.

I expected this particular turn of events. I'm sure the rest of the class did too because one by one, the students all stood up and told us all a little about themselves with rehearsed efficiency. It was all very formulaic. In turn, each student would stand up to recite their name and where they graduated from, followed by something a little more personal, like hobbies, dreams, or interests. Some students, of course, unbearably slogged through their intro while others would add their own little flares like unfunny jokes (which made the class laugh anyways) or proud remarks to make them stand out a little more from the last person. To me, this all seemed rather redundant and pointless.

But pointless or not, I admit I was starting to get nervous as my turn was coming up. I'm sure you've been in my situation before so let's just say it wasn't pleasant. But, in the end, I managed to pull through; went through all the motions expected of me and introduced myself as briefly as I could. At first I wanted to give off an approachable and friendly vibe. But when push came to shove, I just wanted to get it over with. And I did. I thought it went well, too.

Then I sat down. And the girl behind me began her introduction.

"My name is Haruhi Suzumiya, graduate of East Junior High." she said. She had a clear and crisp voice, kind of uncommon at these things. But I didn't bother to look back at this point, deciding instead to just sit and listen because her introduction started out normally enough. My god was I ever wrong.

She continued: "I don't have any interest in ordinary people. If anyone here is an alien, time traveler, slider, or esper, come see me. That is all." Was that some kind of a joke? I didn't really get it. Neither did the rest of the class, it seemed, because they all stared at her with incredulous eyes. I looked back to do the same.

She had long black hair and a cute face. Her glinting eyes and long narrowed eyebrows gave her a distinct impression of serious and daring determination. She scanned the entire classroom with provocative eyes, stopping to glare at me for a bit (because my mouth was wide open), before sitting back down without so much as a smile. She was a beauty. That was my first impression of her anyways.

The entire classroom hung in silence for about thirty seconds before the teacher finally gave the go-ahead for the next student to continue with his introductions, lifting the tense atmosphere.

That was how we first encountered each other, I solemnly swear. But I assure you, she had nothing to do with my predicament in Konoha. Not at all.

...

Okay, that was a lie.

Haruhi is someone I'd like to think of as a living example of false advertising. On the outside, she's dangerously cute. On the inside, she's just dangerous. And I found this out the hard way. How? Well listen to this.

After grabbing everyone's attention during her introduction, Haruhi reverted to being an innocent and quiet high school girl. This, I would soon realize, was just the calm before the storm. Unfortunately, I didn't know any of the guys from East Junior High so I had no one to warn me that her silence usually precluded disaster. Consequently, a few days later, I did something terribly foolish – I tried to talk to her before class.

You see, when Haruhi was in her seat, she just looked like an ordinary cute girl. And since I was sitting right in front of her, I just thought I might as well get close to her. I was so naïve.

So I started the conversation with that incident.

"Hey."

I turned my head with that casual smile all over my face.

"The stuff you said in your intro, how much of it is serious?"

She had her arms crossed in front of her chest and lips sealed tight. Haruhi Suzumiya kept her stern posture, looking straight into my eyes.

"What 'stuff' in my intro?"

"The stuff about aliens and all that."

"Are you an alien?"

She looked dead serious.

"…No, but-"

"If you aren't, then what do you want from me?"

'_No, nothing,'_ was what I wanted to say right then and there but then I changed my mind. A thought had carelessly drifted back to that anime I had seen as a kid.

"What about ninja?" I asked her. I wasn't even sure why I asked it, or even where I was going with it. I just blurted it out like it was the most obvious question to ask in the world.

It wasn't so obvious to Haruhi, it seemed, because she looked a little surprised. Something of a rarety when it came to Haruhi, I'd find out later.

"What _about_ ninja?"

"Do you think they're real? In today's world I mean?"

Her eyes briefly darted upwards. Clearly, she was thinking about it. Then she turned back to me, a hopeful expression on her face.

"Are _you_ a ninja?"

And before I could answer, Okabe-sensei walked into the classroom and instructed us to open our books, thus ending my first ever conversation with Haruhi, even if it was a bit on the weird side. Still, my thoughts came back to her question for the entire day. I wondered… wondered what she would do if I said yes.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I would like to point out that the majority of the content in this chapter was taken directly out of Chapter 1 of 'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya' light novel. I figured just typing it out here would be better than telling you to go read the first chapter of the novel. Of course, it isn't a copy-paste. There are some key differences and I changed up the wording here and there to fit my own writing style. But it's essentially the same. Just thought I'd let you all know.

From chapter 3 onwards, the story will be original and the Naruto part of it will finally begin, as told from Kyon's perspective. (I have no plans on any other perspective.)

* * *

**Chapter 2**

I never talked to Haruhi after that. I figured that it would probably be best to keep my exposure to her to a minimum, for safety's sake. How did it come to this? Well, I happened to have a conversation with someone from her old school.

This particular chat was during lunch. My old junior high school friend, Kunikida, was there. And the boy we were chatting with, from Haruhi's old school, was named Taniguchi. Admittedly, most of the talk was gossip.

"You tried talking to Suzumiya, didn't you?" Taniguchi had asked. I nodded.

"And, then, she said some weird stuff and dissed you cold?"

He definitely knows what he's talking about. I was practically a maggot beneath her feet until I caught her interest with the ninja thing. Now I think I might have been promoted to trash.

"Look, I'm not going to drag it out. If you're interested in that girl, I'll only advise you one thing, 'Forget it!' You should know it by now – she's a nut-job."

He explained that he was in her class for three years in a row, and that he knew her very well. I had guessed that much. Then, he came to a bunch of anecdotes about her.

"Her behavior is insane. It makes no sense whatsoever. I really thought that when we got into senior high, that she'd show a little self control when it came to the weird stuff. But apparently, she hasn't changed one bit. You heard her introduction, right?"

"You mean the alien stuff?"

"That's it. Even back in junior high, she always said and did a lot of weird things."

Taniguchi proceeded to tell us about an incident where she used one of those chalk-line gizmos to draw a pictogram in the middle of the athletic field at East Junior High. Now that I thought about it, I sort of remembered reading about a similar incident in the paper. I had no idea it was Haruhi's doing though.

He then moved on to explaining this one time when Haruhi painted a huge star on the school's rooftop, and that time she went crazy placing O-fudas* all over the place.

"But at least she's really popular with the guys!" I said. It was just a comment really. I thought Haruhi was cute, and I'd like to think my taste in girls to be good, if not better than most. Taniguchi jumped at that thought and told us about the time she used to switch boyfriends non-stop. Apparently, she wouldn't refuse anyone who asked her out, but when she dumped them, she'd always give a similar excuse. Something like: 'I don't have time to socialize with normal humans.' Taniguchi explained that by third year, everyone learned this lesson and had stopped asking her out.

This was why I kept my distance. She was clearly eccentric and I assumed that getting to know her would be unhealthy, let alone improbable for a 'normal' guy like me.

So weeks passed by, and during that time, Suzumiya seemed to be behaving quite nicely. But even so, I started to notice some more of her little eccentricities.

For one thing, she changed her hairstyle every single day. Based from my observations, there was some kind of pattern going on. On Monday, Haruhi would come to school with her long hair down, without tying it up whatsoever. On Tuesday, she would tie it up into a ponytail that, I will admit, looked great on her. Then, she would tie it up into two pony-tails the next day and three the day after that; by Friday, she would have four ribbon-tied ponytails on her head.

Monday=0, Tuesday=1, Wednesday=2, and so on.

Following previous logic, she should have six ponytails on Sunday. And suddenly, I really wanted to see her Sunday hairstyle.

Another strange thing about her is that she seemed to be immune to embarrassment. Or at least she didn't care if guys see her in her underwear. You see, for PE, all the boys would move to another classroom to change into their gym clothes while the girls changed here in class 1-5. Well, Haruhi would never wait for the boys to leave the classroom. As soon as the bell sounded, she would throw off her uniform onto the desk and start to get into her sweatshirt.

All the other girls in the class had tried to talk her out of the habit to no avail. So, at the request of the girls, the google-eyed boys, including me, were to leave the class as soon as the bell rung.

But seriously, Haruhi has a great figure. Guh, why am I even talking about that now?

Anyways, at the end of every day, Haruhi would go AWOL. As soon as the school bell rung, she'd grab her backpack and dart out of the classroom. I used to think she went straight home. It turns out that she went off to participate in every club in the school. One day you would see her passing balls in the basketball club, and the next you'd see her putting together pillows in the sewing club. But you would never see her doing the same thing twice. All the clubs tried to persuade her to stay, but she refused. Her reasoning was: "It's annoying for me to do the same activity every day."

From this alone, rumors of a 'weird first-year girl' spread throughout the school almost instantly. Within a month, there was not a single person who didn't know Haruhi Suzumiya. Fast-forwarding to May, people may not have known who the school principal was, but Haruhi Suzumiya was a household name.

So with all that stuff happening, the middle of May had come.

Haruhi was already sitting behind my seat when I arrived in the classroom that morning. She had two bun-like hair clippers on her head. So I deduced that it was Wednesday. After sitting down, I don't know what happened (maybe I was crazy at the time?) but I found myself, once again, chatting up Haruhi Suzumiya.

"Do you change your hair style each day because of the aliens?"

She slowly turned her face towards me, and glared at me with her dead-serious expression. It was pretty scary, actually.

"When did you notice?"

Her tone was so cold it was as if she was talking to a rock on the side of the road.

I paused to think about it.

"Hmm… for a while."

"Really?"

Haruhi rested her chin on her palm, looking irritated.

"I think that each day of the week gives off a different image," she said.

I was amazed. She replied! Wow! This conversation is already better than the last one I had with her.

"For color: Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."

I could sort of understand what she was trying to say.

"Then, that means, if we use numbers to represent color, Monday is zero, and Sunday is six, right?"

"That's correct."

"But, shouldn't Monday be one?"

"Who asked for your opinion?"

"…Yeah, right."

Probably unsatisfied with my answer, Haruhi scowled at me. I just sat there uncomfortably and let time slip by.

"Have I seen you somewhere before? A long time ago?"

"I don't think so."

After, Okabe-sensei entered the classroom, and our second conversation ended.

The next day, when I came to school, I was extremely disappointed to see that her once long hair had been cut. The once waist-length hair had been shortened to a shoulder cut. Even if the hairstyle did suit her, she cut it the day after we talked about it. It had to have been on purpose, right?

When I brought it up with Haruhi –

"Not really."

She answered with her trademark irritated tone, but didn't show any sort of special expression. She was not going to tell me the reason. But I expected that, so it was all right.

Even though so far, our talks were nothing to write home about, our strange relationship had begun to progress. Albeit extremely slowly. From that day on, talking to her using that bit of time before homeroom became my daily routine. Of course, if I didn't try to start the conversation, she wouldn't react. Another thing was that if I talked to her about how last night's TV show was, or how the weather was, etc. – what she deemed as idiotic topics – she would just ignore me. Knowing that, I carefully picked the conversation topic whenever I talked to her.

One day, the topic with her joining all the clubs came up:

"Did you really try to join all the clubs?" I asked her. "Is there a club that's more fun than the others? I'd consider joining some myself."

"None," Haruhi answered flatly. "Absolutely none."

She emphasized this again, then slowly let out a breath. Was she sighing?

"I thought that high school would be a bit better. In the end, it's the same as mandatory education. Nothing changes at all. Looks like I joined the wrong school."

I started to wonder what criteria she employed when deciding which school to attend.

"Sports clubs and cultural clubs are all the same. If only there were some unique clubs in this school…"

"Well, what gave you the right to decide if other clubs are normal or not?"

"Shut up. If I like a club, then it's unique; otherwise, it's a pain."

"Really? I had a feeling you'd say that."

She scowled. "I joined the Mystery Study Group, expecting to see something interesting. Like little kids disappearing one-by-one, or some teachers getting killed in a locked classroom—"

"Oi, Stop saying that scary stuff."

"It's so idiotic. Nothing interesting is happening here at all. Furthermore, all the club members were fans of detective novels, yet none of them resembled a detective at all."

"Isn't that normal?"

She changed the topic.

"I actually had hopes for the Supernatural Study Group."

"Really?"

"But, they all turned out to be occult maniacs. Does that sound fun to you?"

"Not really."

"Ah, man. This is too boring! Why doesn't this school have any decently interesting clubs?"

"Well, not much you can do about that."

"I thought that after I graduated to senior high, I would encounter a lot of kickass clubs!" She sighed. "This is like aspiring to be in the Major Leagues and then discovering that the school you're attending doesn't even have a baseball team."

Haruhi looked as if she were a banshee, ready to invade a hundred Buddhist monasteries to lay some curses. She stared at the sky with disdain and let out a huge sigh.

Maybe I have pitied her then?

I didn't know the types of clubs Haruhi liked. Maybe even _she_ didn't know. She just wanted to do 'something interesting.' What was 'something interesting' to her? Did it involve finding UFOs? Hunting for lost pirate treasures? Exorcisms? Assassinations? Somehow I doubted clubs like that existed.

"I don't think it can be helped if there aren't any," I said. "Maybe in some other country, there might be a school with more interesting clubs. But here in Japan, most people are content with what they already have. Those who aren't would invent or discover something for their own interests, often leading to advance in civilization. But only a genius would be able to do something like that. We ordinary mortals should just live our lives fully. We shouldn't act impulsively just because we feel adventurous."

"Shut up."

Haruhi had just cut off my rather insightful speech, or at least I thought it was, and turned her head in the other direction. It looked like she was really moody now. Maybe I struck a nerve? But then again, she was always moody, wasn't she? I was used to it already.

The girl probably didn't care about anything unless it involved something supernatural that surpassed reality. The world doesn't have those, however. Not at all.

Long live the laws of physics! Thanks to you, we can live in peace. Though Haruhi would probably cringe at this.

I think this because I'm normal. At least I'm pretty sure I am.

.

But something must have triggered it.

Maybe it was the above conversation?

Because that was my last day at North High.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It felt like I was kidnapped, or abducted by aliens or something.

You know that feeling, don't you? You wake up all groggy and uncomfortable. Then an instant later your body shoots upright, completely alert and energetic; and not because you're excited to start a promising new day, but because of the fear associated with everything around yourself being entirely unfamiliar. Wait, on second thought, you probably wouldn't know that feeling because that would just be messed up.

But that was exactly what happened to me.

You see, the first thing I saw when I woke up that morning was this little girl. And no, she wasn't my little sister. And if you've ever seen the Japanese horror films that I have, you would know exactly how scary unfamiliar little girls can get. I wanted to scream. Seriously! Like a little girl. Because of a little girl. It's not funny. In fact, you should feel sympathetic. The whole moment was a very surreal experience for me.

Anyways, as I stared at her, completely frozen (I could only imagine the horrified look on my face at the time), the lights suddenly switched on and the scary little girl didn't look so scary anymore. Imagine that.

"U-umm… p-please stay calm," she said. She wasn't exactly reassuring sounding though, with her timid and shaky voice. Even the look on her face expressed exactly what I felt just moments before: absolute fear. She looked like she would erupt in tears, running away screaming the moment I said or did anything.

"Y-you're f-from… Umm—I mean—th-this is—I…" Her cheeks were starting to color and her eyes were welling up.

She was going to cry. Don't cry. Please don't cry. I wouldn't know what to do if you—

"Uh…Uwaaaaaaaah!" There it was. Now she was bawling like… well… a little girl.

"Wait! It's okay. Why are you crying? Everything's alright, I think. Right?" What the hell, here I was with no clue where this place was or how I got here, and the first thing I have to do is comfort some girl I don't even know? I should have been the one crying. Admittedly, though, there was no way I could be mad at her. I mean, she looked so adorable.

I sat there awkwardly at first. Should I hug her? Was I the one she was scared of? But she looked like she knew where and what this place was. And I wish she would have told me before she started crying. I took the opportunity to observe her a little more closely. She had shoulder-length brown hair, slightly curly at the ends. A single ponytail was tied at the side of her head (kind of like my sister), and she wore a simple frilly yellow sundress. She practically embodied an innocent little girl. But what was she doing here? What was _I_ doing here?

"Look, you don't have to cry. Onii will help you, okay? You can count on me." That was weird, my voice sounded different; decidedly not very 'Onii-san' like. I cleared my throat and tried again as she calmed a little. "You wanted to tell me something earlier, right? What was it? Um…" My voice was definitely unusually high. Was I sick? Drugged? My throat wasn't sore or anything so I couldn't explain it.

"Mikuru," she said in between sobs and sniffles. "Asahina Mikuru." Definitely adorable.

I got off the bed I was laying on. Well, fell off, actually, I had misjudged the distance to the floor. Asahina Mikuru was now only sniffling, rubbing the tears away from her eyes. Seriously, I don't think you understand how adorable she looked. It was heartbreaking to see her cry like this.

And the next thing I noticed? This little girl wasn't so little after all. Usually, when you're my age, you would have to look down at a kid like her. She was what? Maybe seven or eight? But I was standing straight up, no joke, and her height seemed impossibly proportionate to mine. What the hell was going on?

"Oh no!" she said, still rubbing her eyes.

"Oh no?" No oh noes, please. They're never good.

"I-I'm... sleepy."

She wasn't lying. Her entire body seemed to sway from side to side. And her lids were slowly closing despite her clear struggle to keep them open.

"Hey, wait, you can't fall asleep now. At least tell me where we are first. Hey! Mikuru. Mikuru-chan. Wake up!"

Too late. At this point, I was actually holding her up as she crashed into me, still standing, with her head on my shoulder. Great. Maybe this was all a dream. How else could you explain the absurdity of waking up here—god knows where—and being forced to comfort a giant, narcoleptic little girl. A dream is the only valid explanation for any of this. No wait, scratch that. This would definitely approach nightmare material if it got any worse.

As I thought this, and carefully laid Mikuru down onto the bed, I felt something grab onto my shoulder so I spun around. And standing there was another girl. She looked closer to my age, sixteen or seventeen. But she was a lot taller than most people I knew. When looking straight ahead, I was practically staring at her well-endowed chest.

I looked up. Her face was familiar but I couldn't put a handle on it.

"Hello, Kyon-kun."

"Do I know you?" And why is _she _calling me Kyon? I should think I would remember an attractive girl like her. But nothing rang a bell. Not her pretty face, not her long, slightly-curly brown hair, not her large puppy-dog eyes. On second thought, her eyes… I think I _have_ seen them before.

"Jeez, you've forgotten me already? I'm Mikuru."

"Mikuru? Who's tha—" I cut myself off and looked at the little girl sleeping on the bed. The resemblance between the two was uncanny. It took a few more moments of me looking back and forth at the two Mikurus before she spoke up again.

"You may not believe me, but it's important that you keep an open mind, okay?" She took in a deep breath. "I'm not from this time or age. I'm from the future."

Hah?

"I can't tell you when I arrived from, or from which temporal plane. Even if I wanted to I couldn't because conveying information regarding the future with anyone from the past is strictly forbidden. That's why, from a very early age, people like me are fully trained and undergo stringent mental conditioning before we're even allowed near a TPDD."

"You've lost me from the very beginning."

She sighed. "Simply put, I'm a time traveler."

This took a while for me to absorb.

"Time traveler?"

She nodded. "Between one time frame and another there exist so-called temporal fault-lines. They do exist even though the frequency of the fault lines are near zero; so, there is no continuity between different time frames. Time traveling is the attempt to make three-dimensional movement between the two-dimensional temporal planes…"

She continued her lengthy explanation of time travel, not that I really understood. None of it mattered to me anyways. Though, it was one strange way to explain her resemblance to the girl laying in bed right now. I had assumed that the little girl was just her daughter or something. And you know what? I didn't even think all this time traveling business could possibly be a lie. Because who would ever lie using an explanation like that? A deranged psychopath, perhaps. But she was too pretty and innocent looking to be one of those.

Probably noticing my huge gaping mouth, Mikuru moved on to a more pressing topic. "Let me tell you the reason I've come to this temporal plane…"

Finally I can find out what's happening around here.

"This all has to do with Haruhi Suzumiya."

Why am I not surprised? At this moment, I was busy contemplating whether or not to place my hand on my forehead. I decided against it this time.

"You see, there occurred a huge time-quake just a few months after Suzumiya entered high school. We were shocked that when we tried to travel back to find the cause, we couldn't go any further back in time. That is, until now."

Until now? Wait, but… "You're saying that right now… is the past?"

"That's correct," she said. "We still don't know how far back it is. But we know that it's greater than ten-thousand years into the past from your original time in high school."

She was making no sense. "Wait, even if I believe your crazy time travel story, there's no way I could have existed over ten thousand years in the past."

"I thought you'd say something like that. Remember, open-mind, okay? You see, for some reason when Suzumiya transported herself back to the past, she took you with her. We're not sure if it was intentional or not, but that was what happened. But… it wasn't perfect, as you can see."

Oy, since when could Haruhi travel through time in the first place. And none of this still made any sense. And what was she talking about now? "Eh?"

"Even though mentally, you're still sixteen, physically you've become… well…"

"...?"

She took my wrist and tugged me, beckoning for me to follow. I did. She led me straight into a bathroom, which was kind of weird. If you have to pee, do it yourself. But then I looked into the mirror.

What the? "I… I'm…"

"Physically, you're eight," she finished for me.

Completely shocked, I pinched my cheeks, smacked myself, tussled my hair and stared thoroughly at my own tiny hands. I was definitely my younger self. Eight, was it? Wow, this was shock. I could barely recognize my small frame.

"H-how?"

"Like I said, Suzumiya-san is most likely the cause of all this, though I don't think she's aware that she's capable of it. At first I was supposed to come to Suzumiya-san's side so that I could closely observe any new changes to the temporal planes. However, Suzumiya-san has made herself younger as well. So in turn, my organization decided it would be best to send a younger version of myself in order to get closer to Suzumiya-san. In fact, I'm not even supposed to be here right now."

"…" I was speechless.

She paused to look at me. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"No—well I…"

"I'm sorry, but I don't have much time left to explain. The only reason I came here was to beg you to take good care of my younger self. You see, I know me—her—very well. And I know how much of a handful I—she—was back then. These times are a lot more dangerous than the times you and I are used to so please be extra careful."

Dangerous? This kept getting worse and worse.

"Sorry for imposing such a thing on you, Kyon-kun. But my life is in your hands."

"Wait a minute. What'll happen if I mess up?"

She paused for a second. "Classified Information."

"Is there a way for us to get back to our original time?"

"Classified Information."

"What happens if I tell Haruhi about all this?"

"Classified Information."

"Why me?"

"Classified Information."

"…"

"I'm sorry; for having to tell you all this and for adding another burden."

I looked at my tiny feet and palmed my face. "It's okay, I just wish you could—" When I looked back up at her, she was gone. A yawn from the bedroom woke me up from my WTF-induced daze.

"Oh no," I heard little Mikuru say. "Wh-what happened. K-Kyon-nii?"

I decided to go see her before she started crying again. She probably caught the utterly defeated scowl I had on my face because she asked: "Are you okay?"

"…"

"P-please believe me, b-but I'm—"

"A time traveler from the future?"

She turned red as a beet. "H-how did you know?"

I took some time to tell her about the visit from her older self. Thought it felt like I shouldn't have. Something about time screwing up and collapsing time on itself or whatever. Oh well, I blame whatever happens on Haruhi.

I also told little Mikuru everything I knew about Suzumiya. She was surprisingly complacent through the entire thing, probably because she knew all about time-traveling. I still took everything I heard or knew with a grain of salt. But there was one thing I had to admit when I looked out the window of the building for the first time: things had changed. Not just the people or scenery. But everything.

There was a knocking at the door soon after. I turned toward Mikuru. Maybe it was another time traveler buddy of hers? She shrugged back at me, so that was a negative. Then I did something I would soon regret. I opened the door.

Immediately, I felt a tug at my wrist and was suddenly dragged outside with a force rivaling that of a truck. I could hear Mikuru crying out to me worriedly in the background but my kidnapper spoke up before either of us could protest.

"Kyon, I came to pick you up for school, let's go."

Who was it?

You guessed it. It was none other than Haruhi Suzumiya herself.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I was being practically being dragged at sprint-speed. Where? Apparently, to school.

I had automatically assumed North High at first, but just looking around put an end to that notion. You see (and I probably mentioned this already, but) everything had changed. I was used to seeing sidewalks filled with people in business suits, skirts, and school uniforms, especially on a weekday like today. But there was none of that in sight. Some people did wear yukata, at least, and I was thankful for that single familiar style. But everyone else's fashion sense ranged from weird to absurd.

Perhaps I'm being a little unfair. This _was_ over ten thousand years into the past, after all. That's if you believe the time travel nonsense.

But I had to admit that the buildings supported older Mikuru's explanation. The surroundings had a small town feel. No wait—maybe 'village' would be a more accurate description? Every building was made with wood and stone and sported mostly white walls. I also noticed that the majority of the buildings were roofed with orange tiles, like it was some ongoing theme or something.

Shops and vendors littered the streets and the roads were bustling with activity. Most people traveled on foot. There were horse-drawn wagons and carriages here and there but they were few and far between. I didn't see any cars. But that's not to say technology didn't exist. We actually passed by a shop that sold computers! What a contradictory world.

Just as I was wrapping my mind around this bizarre revelation, Haruhi stopped dead and I almost crashed into her.

"I can walk on my own you know."

Haruhi turned her head and harrumphed. "If I let you do that, you'd surely be late. And this is our first day. First impressions are important." This coming from Haruhi whose first impression had impressed upon everyone a sense of 'wacko'.

Well, at the very least, her attitude hasn't changed. Her looks have, though. Right now she looked like a miniature version of herself. She was dressed in a blue skirt and long-sleeved t-shirt in her—I assumed—eight year-old form. Her hair was still shoulder length and she still stared at you with those ambition-filled eyes… In fact, she was every bit the Haruhi I knew (and sometimes loathed) only cuter and more innocent looking. Still not quite an Asahina Mikuru, but adorable nonetheless; even as she glared at me for pulling my wrist free from her deathly grasp.

"How did you know where I was anyways?" Even I didn't know where I was.

"Nevermind that," she brushed off. "I think someone's following us."

"Really?"

I looked behind us. And sure enough, there was Mikuru-chan, panting as she struggled to catch up. Now that I thought about it, we were on a pretty steep uphill road. For dragging me all this way, Haruhi has some crazy endurance.

"Mikuru-chan?"

"K-Kyon-nii," she called. "Please w-wait up." She reminded me of a poor lost puppy with her watery eyes and quivering lips. I could tell that the dam holding back her tears was about to burst, thus bursting my heart along with it. Who wouldn't feel sorry for her?

Oh right, there was one such person standing right beside me, with her hands on her hips. The heartless one spoke up: "She looks suspicious. You know her, Kyon?"

Well, not really. But Mikuru's pleading stare was impossible to ignore. I just _had_ to protect her. "Her name is Mikuru. And how can you say she looks suspicious? She's on the verge of tears!"

"Exactly. Enemy spies always play on your emotions. She could be from an enemy village. I don't trust her one bit."

"Is that so? Well, I'm telling you that you can trust her."

"You'll be sorry."

"I won't." Haruhi practically drilled holes through my eyes with her stare. But I kept cool and remained as expressionless as I could under the situation. She eventually crossed her arms over her chest and threw her familiar 'you're beneath my feet' glare at poor little Mikuru-chan, causing her to shake uncontrollably and throw furtive 'help me' glances in my direction.

"Fine," said Haruhi. "She can come with us but from now on I'm gonna keep a close watch over her."

I merely shook my head disapprovingly but Mikuru actually lit up a bit and joined our now three-person group. Wait a second, is Mikuru-chan going to our school too? In any case, my question was about to be answered because Haruhi had decided to interrogate Mikuru-chan as we made our way to whatever school we were going to.

"So who exactly are you?"

"I-I'm M-M-Mikuru Asahina."

"Asahina? I've never heard of that clan before. You're definitely not from around here, are you? What country are spying for!?"

"Wh-what!?"

"Aha! You hesitated. I knew you were a spy!"

"She's not a spy," I said. "And why are you so paranoid about spies in the first place? You make it sound like we're at war or something."

This made Haruhi erupt into a long, lengthy, and angry lecture. From this lecture had I learned a few things:

This country was called Fire Country. We were in a village called Konohagakure. The leader of the village was called Hokage. And that we were currently on our way to the Academy: a school for ninja trainees.

Naturally, I didn't believe this. Least of all, the ninja part.

"Ninja school? Let's pretend I believe you." I said. "Who signed me up for that in the first place?"

"I did," replied Haruhi. "I needed a training partner. You don't mind, do you?"

'Of course I do.' If I said that, Haruhi would surely have killed me. While I was hesitating on how to answer, Mikuru-chan spoke up.

"I-I think I'll be heading h-home," she said. "I-I… don't want to b-be a ninja so—"

Haruhi grabbed Mikuru's arm and she let go a tiny squeal. She obviously wanted to make a run for it. I didn't blame her.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"H-home…"

"Suspicious. You're coming with us."

Mikuru's face darkened with worry. "N-no! I don't want to be a ninja. Let me go. Why are you holding me?"

"You're gonna join my ninja team so I can keep an eye on you," said Haruhi. "I'll let you go after you prove yourself." Somehow I doubted that.

A sobbing Mikuru had tried to latch onto a random post as we continued our march onwards but her strength was no match for Haruhi's. She was ultimately dragged along. I considered helping her, taking her away from Haruhi but then I figured that if Haruhi was capable of traveling through time, she probably wouldn't have any trouble smiting me in anger. So I just went along, diverting the attention of random passersby as we walked. Eventually, Mikuru gave up fighting altogether and walked dejectedly like a prisoner to the Academy.

I'm sorry, Mikuru-chan. Until we figure out exactly what Haruhi is capable of. We should just play along.

Besides, we were almost to the Academy. I could see the sign off the building just at the top of that hill.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Back when I was in high school (yesterday, I guess) I had come to the conclusion that if you avoided pissing off authoritative people, like parents, teachers, police officers, yakuza, etc…, your life would become relatively carefree and rose-colored. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, Haruhi Suzumiya fell into my list of authoritative people and it was impossible not to piss her off. If it wasn't me unknowingly inciting her anger, it was somebody else. And this somebody else usually wasn't as understanding of Haruhi's crazed tendencies as I was.

This was evidenced when Mikuru and I followed Haruhi as she burst into the Academy like it was a hostile takeover. The weapons on the walls, strange scrolls housed within glass cases, pictures of what looked like ninjas… I barely even took note of those because Haruhi herself ate away most of my attention. We traveled from room to hallway to room again, looking for something.

Actually, I should clarify that. It was only Haruhi who traveled from room to room looking for something. We mortal lemmings merely tagged along. And whenever she didn't find whatever it was she was looking for, she'd click her tongue looking completely pissed and command us to follow her back out to repeat the process in another room, leaving behind nothing but blank expressions and inquiring stares.

"What the..."

"Um… hello."

"Can we help you?"

"Are you lost?"

Those were the jist of the awkward responses we got from the classrooms we stormed.

Eventually, a staff member who wore round sunglasses and a bandana over his head (this school wasn't much for dress codes it seems) stopped us and escorted us into to the main office. Haruhi didn't resist at all. At least until we got there.

At best, the staff was completely dumbfounded at the girl who waltzed in and scanned the room with her overly-ambitious eyes; her hands placed easily on her hips. I was certainly confused at this point. And I'll bet Mikuru was too (she would have jolted for sure had Haruhi not threatened to invade her home and assassinate her in her sleep earlier.) as Haruhi did her thing. Ten long seconds of awkward silence later, somebody finally spoke up.

It was the attractive brunette receptionist sitting at the front desk. "Hello, may I help you three?" She had a nice rack. I barely managed to peel my eyes away from them.

Haruhi ignored her and concentrated on searching this room the same way she did the others. "Tch, not here either. Kyon, keep an eye on Mikuru and take care of things here. I have to go find something."

"Huh? But—" Before I could say anything else, Haruhi had already turned around and was heading out the door. She was stopped momentarily by the same round-sunglasses adult who apprehended us earlier.

"Where you do think you're going? Talk to the reception before you—" He grabbed onto Haruhi's arm. And he's probably regretting it now because Haruhi swiftly did a 180 and kicked him in the nuts. Thrice. I cringed. Ouch.

"Hmph. Serves you right you pedophilic geezer," she said without an ounce of remorse for the man who fell into the fetal position on the floor. Then, she paused to give one last glare at Mikuru (who flinched and cowered slightly) before she left. Eight-year old Haruhi was indeed a force to be reckoned with.

There were only three staff members present at the time, including round-sunglasses-guy and the pretty receptionist. The third member of the staff featured silver hair that was also covered with a plated bandana. He was the only one who left to pursue Haruhi.

All this while, I just stood there. I felt like I should have done something but for some reason I was blanking out.

Thankfully, the receptionist, who was rather nice, took initiative. She introduced herself as Kana. And she was absolutely gorgeous. She had the softest looking pale skin I had ever seen and the bulky looking green vest and shoulder armor overtop her dark blue jacket and pants did little to hide her amazing figure. But it was a shame she treated me like a little kid. Well, technically I am right now but… ah, whatever.

Moving on, we also learned that the man Haruhi kicked was Ebisu and the one who ran after her was Mizuki.

After Kana called in some people to take Ebisu to the school infirmary, we took our seats in front of the main desk and waited for the inevitable questioning and lecturing. Thankfully, Kana was all smiles and charm as she addressed Mikuru-chan and I. "So, now that you know who we are, I think you two have a little explaining to do yourselves."

I gave her our names and tried to explain our situation to her as best I could, leaving out the time-traveling part of course. It turns out Haruhi had already been enrolled but we weren't. She asked us each the typical questions anybody would ask. I saw these coming a mile away and had mentally prepared beforehand.

"Where are your parents?"

"They were transferred to another country for work."

"Their names?"

Seeing no reason to lie, I gave them my actual parents' names. She looked it up on her computer. How they have computers this far back into the past is beyond me but I'll save that complaint for later because I didn't expect what Kana would tell me next.

"Oh my! I didn't know they had a son as well. What a pleasant surprise."

"Umm… huh?"

"Don't pretend you don't know," she in a half-joking tone. "Your parents are quite the celebrities. They fought side-by-side with the Fourth Hokage in the battle against the Nine-tailed Fox. Not only that, it says here your older sister is an unrivaled genius. An eleven year old ANBU. So you want to follow in her footsteps, I see."

My family… exists in this time? And I since when did I have a genius older sister? Wait a second, my little sister was eleven years old too. Is Kana talking about her? Did that mean I was the only one in the family who became younger? I turned to Mikuru and she could only shrug, just as baffled as I was.

"Well, there will be no problems enrolling you now. I'm sure you'll turn out just as strong as your sister." She then turned to Mikuru. "As for you, Asahina-chan. We have no records of you or your relatives at all."

Mikuru looked relieved. "W-well. If you can't enroll me, th-then I guess it c-can't be helped."

Kana gleamed a smile. "Nonsense. Any friend of Kyon would be a welcome addition to the Academy. But we can't have a girl living alone at your age. From now on, you'll stay with Kyon and his family." Even she's calling me Kyon? Didn't I just give her my real name? How did that blasted nickname spread to this world too?

"Wh-what!? B-but—" Mikuru stuttered.

"Don't worry, I'm good friends of Kyon's parents. I'll definitely convince them to let you stay."

She handed us each a set of registration papers and practically shoved us out of the office. "Take those papers home with you after school. In the meantime, I'll escort you to your class. It's a little unusual to have new students this late in the year but I'm sure you'll manage. You're 'their' son and his friend, after all.

Wait a minute. What did she mean by 'this late in the year.' Didn't Haruhi say that today was the first day? I was reluctant to ask but I did anyways. "How late into the year are we?"

"Hmm, for your class, there are only 3 months left until graduation."

"3 months!?"

"Don't worry, you'll both be fine."

Mikuru looked pleadingly up at Kana. "A-are you sure you put us in the right class?" This made Kana pause for a second. Then she leaned down and whispered something into a squirming Mikuru's ear. To my amazement, Mikuru visibly calmed down afterwards. I wonder what Kana said to her? Oh well, I'll ask Mikuru about it later.

"Now then, shall we go?" Kana turned around and lead the way. A feeling of helplessness creeped it's way into my thoughts. But I figured that things weren't all bad. My family was still around… somewhere. I think. And a younger Haruhi should be a lot easier to deal with than an older one. Everything will work themselves out eventually, right?

Right.

* * *

**A/N:** With Haruhi and Mikuru both at 8 years old, I'll definitely have them act more child-like than their usual selves. Kyon, though, will stay his usual self since he's still mentally a high-schooler.

Naruto cast joins in next chapter, finally.


End file.
